Emotional abuse is a subtle web, which slowly brings the victim under the control of the abuser. All the while, damage is being done internally, with no evidence of visible bruising. Only once control is established does the overt emotional abuse begin. At this point the victim may only start to sense something is wrong. This process could take years, and several kids into a marriage, or years of childhood damage, before you finally realize the abuse and start doing something about it. You need to be able to recognize early warning signs that your relationship is heading to one of abuse.
I’m sure you have many questions if you have found yourself here. How could you not have known who they really were? Was there any warning that could have prevented this from happening? Will you now be trapped in a cycle of finding abusive relationships for the rest of your life?
The answer is no! You do not have to repeat the cycle! But if you do not take the time to learn better, about yourself and others, then you might just find yourself back at step one. Learn to recognize warning signs, learn about appropriate boundaries and how to protect them and learn more about your own weaknesses that results in abusive individuals taking advantage.
Here are some warning signs early on in the relationship to pay attention to:
- They are very private about their own lives but ask about yours in detail
- They usually have some sob story about their past that they keep bringing up to either distract you from their bad behavior, or that is used as an excuse as to why they behave badly.
- You are treated differently in public vs in private
- They have a poor relationship with their parents (usually according to them it’s the parent’s fault)
- They look down on people
- You are constantly walking away from situations thinking, ‘what just happened?”
- Apologizing is difficult for them. Or you approach them with a concern and you always walk away being the one to apologize
- You always seem to be doing what they want to do and never get to do what you want to do
- You feel pressured to do things that make you uncomfortable.
- They use sarcasm and put down humor
- They are constantly blaming other people (one day, trust me, you’re the one they are going to blame)
- Pettiness
- They feel comfortable lying even in jest
- They feel entitled or resentful
- Finds fault in others a lot. Struggles to see the good in people. Cynical
- Doesn’t show much sign of progression
- They ignore you or spend more time with the people around you or checking their phone
- When you raise a concern you are made to feel like you are being too sensitive and there isn’t actually a problem
- You experience trepidation or fear before you even say anything to them. This is a huge red flag! You could be in an abusive relationship or are suffering wounds from a previous abusive relationship that will likely negatively affect this one. Either way get help!
If you are reading this, more than likely you have been in a relationship that shows some of these worrying signs, or you are currently experiencing doubts about the situation you are in. If that is the case, the answer to should you stay or leave comes down to learning about setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Next post: Recognizing, setting and maintaining healthy boundaries
Back to Home