I have spoken to a lot of people that either have been in an emotionally abusive relationship, or who were intimately connected with someone who did, and the message of hope they shared was the same each time without exception:
“It was terrible, but now I am so happy”
“It was the worst experience of my life, but as terrible as that time was, is how great my life is now”.
I have not spoken to one person who is on the other side who is worse off because of their abuser leaving them or them leaving their abuser. Every one of them is in fact much better off. This is important to remember for two reasons. Either you’re riding an emotional roller coaster and on each high you forget about how bad things really are on the lows (or you think that the lows are over now), or the abuser threatens that you’ll be miserable and alone without them or some variation of this idea. These are lies to try and trap you into the misery.
There are many reasons why this is a lie. Even putting aside the fact that obviously there are other people out there that love you properly or will love you in your future, the important part of the lie is based on the idea that you need someone else to make you happy. There are many studies on happiness. They show you that being rich does not make you happy, you get happy and miserable rich people. Being in a relationship does not make you happy, you get happy and miserable people in relationships. It is not your circumstances that make you happy (or sad). I have heard countless stories of individuals that can be happy and at peace in the middle of a warzone or in the aftermath of a spouse passing on.
Happiness comes from within, and from following correct principles. You can get there. It’ll take time and a lot of effort, you’ll have to get rid of the toxic influences in your life and invite the positive influences, but you’ll get there. As long as you don’t give up, even if you fail 1000 times, even if it takes a lifetime. This lifetime is but a small part of our entire existence.
Even if you get into another relationship you still have to learn to find that inner happiness! I know you can get there because you are a child of God (or whoever you call your higher power) and your ultimate potential is limitless. Don’t let your abuser limit you. Rather surround yourself with people who make you believe in yourself, who help you understand your limitless potential.
You are not the exception; that one person who doesn’t have the looks/talent/resources to succeed gloriously; you are going to get all you deserve and more. You cannot dream all of what there is out there for you yet. That is truth! Don’t let anyone, including yourself, tell you otherwise.If you made it to ‘the other side’, please do a favor to all fearful women out there, who may feel they are trapped, by sharing your story. The more uplifting stories we can put here the more courage we can give to those men and women who are still stuck where you used to be.